You smell like a Billy Joel song
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize