Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
