What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
