I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
