I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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