i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
