I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize