I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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