I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
