I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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