Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize