Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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