the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
