god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
