nut hugger
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She bit a glass in half.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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