dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
