Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
