He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drunk is not a location!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
