I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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