I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was born a porn star she said
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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