She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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