i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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