i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
