I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
