Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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