she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
