One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
