and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
