we made out on top of his cat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
