I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
