The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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