watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
