my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
