Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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