I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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