The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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