my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
