fuck your aforementioned shoe
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize