I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
