So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
