is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
