I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didn't notice because vodka
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
