we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
