I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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