Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
