my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What a dumb baby whore.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
