I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
