yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
