No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
