I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
