I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize