Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
