They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
one might say we're banned from that church
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
