just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In other news, I just burned my penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize