i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
