I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
