Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
