After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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