I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize