white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
