as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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