I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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