You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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