How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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