What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
