Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
