my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
