yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
