look no pants
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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