Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the day after is always just damage control
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
