can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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