there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize