I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize