My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
