not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
