why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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