My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
