just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
