I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i out mim tonsoeep
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