You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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