super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shame - the story of my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
