Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
