She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
