this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
