Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize