girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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