My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
