She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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