Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
