Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
